“New Butcher: How’d you know that’s 2 lbs?
Old Butcher: Dunno. Just do.
New Butcher: But what’s your trick?
Old Butcher: My “trick” is being a butcher for 40 years”—hotdogsladies (Reconstituted with vowels by me.)
The idea of creating animals that cannot feel pain brings up interesting questions. Vegetarians (and I assume vegans) are objecting. What happens when we can make what eats certain food objectionable no longer part of that food?
Could we make a pig that Jews and Muslims could eat? Could we produce a duck that produces a foie gras without force feeding? A sturgeon that doesn’t need to be killed to harvest its caviar?
“As a sort of amuse-bouche, the Climate Change Tasting Menu could offer local foods and drink that actually taste worse because of climate change – such as traditional Eastern European pilsners. The starter would feature new products that have only recently been cultivated locally, thanks to climate change – Devon olive oil perhaps, accompanied by a nice glass of Kent rosé. The main course might be controversial: test-tube grown imitation meats and vegetables that recreate the flavour and mouthfeel of species that are already lost or threatened with extinction by climate change. Finally, dessert would take the form of a fruit lottery, as harvests become erratic in response to climate change-induced extreme weather events.”—The Taste of Climate Change
“My kid is having a birthday coming up soon, and there’ll be a lot of children around, so I figured I’d better get a pony. I suspect there’ll be what - about 20 or 30 kids, and I thought a pony would fit the bill nicely. Please let me know what you feed your pony - hay, grain, whatever, so I know what to expect. Also, let me know if the pony gets a lot of exercise, or if it just kinda hangs out all day, so I know what kind of shape it is in. If you do have a pony you could sell, please contact me, and then immediately start putting barbeque sauce in it’s bedding or add some Lawry’s to it’s salt lick - I like to marinade it early and long, so that the flavor is at it’s peak by the time I take possession. If things work out well, I may contact you for other parties I’ll be involved in; they kids can’t tell the difference between ponies and burger, and usually they’re a lot cheaper.”—Wanted: Pony, on the Best of Craigslist (via The Daily Telegraph)
1. At a party for a friend’s then unborn son. Polished off a plate of bruschetta and asked the guy behind the bar for another one and this time could he also bring out more of the meatballs too because they were damn tasty.
2. On line at the Fairway in Red Hook. Asked the man at the counter if their bruschetta would go well paired with a Dr. Brown’s Cel-Rey
3. Office Christmas party at some restaurant near Port Authority. Asked someone to pass the bruschetta and as I reached for it took out a full glass of wine.
4. After show cocktail party thing at some fancy hotel off Gramercy Park when the Reigning Sound and Hives played at Irving Plaza. I remarked that the room temperature shrimp salad and bruschetta were liable to give someone food poisoning. They did. (ed note: This night was also the first in a series of evenings of coming close to or actually accidentally spilling a drink on James Iha.)
5. Inevitable relationship-ending argument with then girlfriend after said party over among other things the correct pronunciation of bruschetta and my culture or rather lack thereof.
“Gonzales, who has twice won top honors in the State Fair of Texas’ annual contest for best new midway food, is back this year with deep-fried butter, a dish that’s drawing gasps from even the most hard-arteried eaters.”—Slashfood, “Deep Fried Butter to Hit Texas State Fair”