To be sure, I have dined at some of the world’s finest restaurants. The French Laundry in Napa Valley. Boulevard and Gary Danko in San Francisco. Per Se, Gramercy Tavern and Gotham Bar & Grill in New York. Chateau Les Crayeres in Reims, France. Spago in Los Angeles. Tableau and Picasso in Las Vegas. The list goes on and on.
Hands down, this bag of Cheetos is the most delicious thing I’ve ever eaten.
The USDA offers advice on how to handle modly food. including “don’t sniff the moldy item. This can cause respiratory trouble,” and “if food is covered with mold, discard it.” Also an entire chart on handling specific moldy items.
“Josh Lanahan, a Culinary Institute of America–trained chef, conceives and cooks the comfort-food menu. His fiancée, Michelle Lozuaway, plays ultimate curbside host. And a butcher named Popper mans the grill. The burger meat is freshly ground and tastiest on the rare side with diced tomato and white American. The pulled pork is really porchetta, the saliva-inducing slow-roasted pork of Italy. That alone is worth the hour’s drive up from Boston, as are the tart local blueberry soda and Josh’s riff on the banh mi. Now just one note to the Portsmouth parking police, who have singled out this truck as a nuisance: Lay off. Messing with a man’s lunch is a serious offense.”—The 10 best food trucks in the United States, according to GQ, includes my cousin Josh’s bright orange step van. So much for retiring from the food game, buddy. Congrats.
Strawberries, you will be glad to know, are a ‘false fruit’. Which seems reasonable enough. But at this point a small doubt started to grow in my mind… what, actually, then, was a real fruit? Oranges? No, they’re a modified berry. Bananas? Leathery berry. Plums? Drupe — fleshy bit with one stone inside. Peaches, nectarines and mangos, similar. Pineapple? Forget it — multiple fruit, incorporating the support that the original flowers all grow on, making it a pseudo-multiple-carp. Although interestingly and cutely, they are pollinated by hummingbirds and bats. (Not usually simultaneously.)
Apples, I thought. Good old apples. No. They are pomes. What is a pome? Well, It’s a real fruit in the middle and a false fruit round the outside. It’s the real thing dressed up as a fake to avoid detection by the cops. So is the pear.
No. None of them are bloody fruit. I feel so betrayed.
“Of all the species of suicidefoodists, we find the pious, connected-to-Nature types the hardest to stomach. Their artisanal meats! Their eyewitness accounts of slaughter and butchery! The profound connections they imagine with the animals they carve up with reverent knives and forks! They have achieved a near-holy state that the mere vegan—with his perverse willingness to let the animals be—can never hope to understand.”—